William the Fourth by Richmal Crompton

Author:Richmal Crompton
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
Tags: Classics, Humour
ISBN: 9780330543606
Publisher: Macmillan Children's Books
Published: 1924-01-01T00:00:00+00:00

Meanwhile, his Grace talked to the Vicar’s wife. He was beginning to think that she was not quite herself. Her manner seemed more than peculiar. He glanced round. The stalls were still deserted.

‘They haven’t begun to buy much yet, have they?’ he said. ‘I suppose I must set the example.’

He wandered over to a stall and bought a pink cushion. Then he looked around again, his cushion under his arm, his placard still adorning the back of his coat. The crowd were engaged only in staring at him; they were fighting to get a glimpse of him; they were following him about like dogs—

‘I suppose some of these people must know my name,’ he said. ‘I thought that speech of mine in the House last week would wake people up—’

‘Er – oh, yes,’ said the Vicar’s wife. She blinked and swallowed. ‘Er – oh, yes – indeed, yes – indeed, yes – I quite agree – er – quite!’

Here the Vicar rescued her.

The Vicar had not quite made up his mind whether to be jocular or condoling.

‘A splendid attendance, isn’t it, your Grace? There’s a little thing I want to—’ The Vicar’s wife tactfully glided away. ‘Of course we all understand – you’re not responsible – and, on our honour, we aren’t – quite an accident – the guilty party, however, shall be found. I assure you he shall – er – shall be found.’

‘Would you mind,’ said his Grace patiently, ‘telling me of what you are talking?’

The Vicar drew a deep breath, then took the plunge.

‘There’s a small placard on your back,’ he said. ‘Well, not small – that is – allow me—’

His Grace hastily felt behind, secured the placard, tore it off, put on his tortoise-shell spectacles, and examined it at arm’s length. Then he turned to the Vicar, who was mopping his brow. The committee were trembling in the background. One of them – Miss Spence by name – had already succumbed to a nervous breakdown and had had to go home. Another was having hysterics in the tent.

‘How long exactly’ asked his Grace slowly, ‘have I been wearing this?’

The Vicar smiled mirthlessly, and put up a hand nervously as if to loosen his collar.

‘Er – quite a matter of minutes – ahem – of minutes one might say, your Grace, since – ah – ahem – since the opening, one might almost put it—’

‘Then,’ said his Grace, ‘why the devil didn’t you tell me before?’

The Vicar put up his hand and coughed reproachfully

At this moment William, Ginger and Henry emerged from beneath one of the stalls, in whose butter-muslined shelter they had been preparing themselves, and awaiting the most dramatic moment to appear.

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